Listening- An art and a Science
Listening- A Scientific Art
Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.”
― Bernard M. Baruch
So the process of a conversation is, some one is talking and someone is listening. A simple two way process of exchange of information. This does not sound so complicated. But I think when Aamir Khan in his latest movie PK was trying to explain the challenges of communication while using the word 'Accha' and the importance of watching the change of emotion with each Accha which means OK in English language, he truly brought out one biggest challenge of listening.
So how does it work. Basically there are three parts of ears. Outer Ear (acting like funnel to catch the sound and send them to ear drum) - Middle Ear (a small air filled part inside the ear drum responsible for creating vibrations) and Inner Ear ( create an electrical impulse (signal), which is sent along the auditory nerve to the brain). The brain then works out what we are hearing. With healthy ears you can choose what we want to listen to, but we can't choose what we hear. Our brain sorts out the sounds and tells us what they mean. Sometimes we select (choose) what we listen. This is called Selective Listening.
Sometimes when we think we are confronted with situations where we often feel that the communication could have been more aptly handled by us. We should have been more attentive. Or for that matter, simply in a state of confusion when for example our line manager one day calls and asks us for something that we did not know about but cannot respond because she says that it was informed to us well in advance. Somehow, it did not register, or we did not listen to it or when it was told to us , we were preoccupied. There are so many possibilities.
As has been said in the earlier, we don’t get to choose what we hear but we can choose what we listen through years of careful conditioning. When a class full of young kids were asked what they want and don’t want to hear, they enlisted the following
I am sure all of us have similar list of what we would like or not
like to hear and in order to break the pattern, we would have to revisit
how we condition our brain.
“Don't waste your time with explanation, people only hear what they want they want to hear”- Paulo Coelho.
And this is the biggest challenge we face when we hear. Recently sitting by myself, I realised the number of times my son uses the words ‘Suno na’. and that many times I tell him, no you listen to me. More than the words Suno na which means ‘Listen’ the tone would essentially get more and more urgent every time suggesting offlate probably I need to pay attention to what he is saying and I just don’t. This is an instance where my mind is insisting that I know what is going know, it has already reached to a conclusion and irrespective of what my son is trying to tell me ultimately reaching to a conclusion that there is no point in discussion. I am being judgmental.
Another scenario. I find myself unaware about a situation due to someone very close and I confront them and realize that I had been informed but due to the circumstances around which our conversation took place, it did not register. Therefore, even when I have heard the information; the situation around or the circumstances that I am in will stop me to process the information. In this particular instance can lead to misunderstandings. Practically, it is not always possible to have undivided attention. And the world of technology doesn’t make it t easier. The key is maturity and trust in relationships.
“The word 'listen' contains the same letters as the word 'silent'.”
― Alfred Brendel
When we are silent, we learn more and more about the other person, and more importantly about ourselves.
Listen Silently :)
― Bernard M. Baruch
So the process of a conversation is, some one is talking and someone is listening. A simple two way process of exchange of information. This does not sound so complicated. But I think when Aamir Khan in his latest movie PK was trying to explain the challenges of communication while using the word 'Accha' and the importance of watching the change of emotion with each Accha which means OK in English language, he truly brought out one biggest challenge of listening.
So how does it work. Basically there are three parts of ears. Outer Ear (acting like funnel to catch the sound and send them to ear drum) - Middle Ear (a small air filled part inside the ear drum responsible for creating vibrations) and Inner Ear ( create an electrical impulse (signal), which is sent along the auditory nerve to the brain). The brain then works out what we are hearing. With healthy ears you can choose what we want to listen to, but we can't choose what we hear. Our brain sorts out the sounds and tells us what they mean. Sometimes we select (choose) what we listen. This is called Selective Listening.
Sometimes when we think we are confronted with situations where we often feel that the communication could have been more aptly handled by us. We should have been more attentive. Or for that matter, simply in a state of confusion when for example our line manager one day calls and asks us for something that we did not know about but cannot respond because she says that it was informed to us well in advance. Somehow, it did not register, or we did not listen to it or when it was told to us , we were preoccupied. There are so many possibilities.
As has been said in the earlier, we don’t get to choose what we hear but we can choose what we listen through years of careful conditioning. When a class full of young kids were asked what they want and don’t want to hear, they enlisted the following
| What I like to hear |
What I don't like to hear |
| My dog barking in his sleep. |
I don't like to hear very loud music. |
| A friend saying, "Can you come and play |
I hate to hear mosquitoes buzzing in my ears. |
| Birds singing in the morning. |
Mum and dad arguing. |
| I like my mummy saying that she loves me. |
People screaming. |
| "Do ou want an ice-cream?" |
"You have to eat your vegetables." |
“Don't waste your time with explanation, people only hear what they want they want to hear”- Paulo Coelho.
And this is the biggest challenge we face when we hear. Recently sitting by myself, I realised the number of times my son uses the words ‘Suno na’. and that many times I tell him, no you listen to me. More than the words Suno na which means ‘Listen’ the tone would essentially get more and more urgent every time suggesting offlate probably I need to pay attention to what he is saying and I just don’t. This is an instance where my mind is insisting that I know what is going know, it has already reached to a conclusion and irrespective of what my son is trying to tell me ultimately reaching to a conclusion that there is no point in discussion. I am being judgmental.
Another scenario. I find myself unaware about a situation due to someone very close and I confront them and realize that I had been informed but due to the circumstances around which our conversation took place, it did not register. Therefore, even when I have heard the information; the situation around or the circumstances that I am in will stop me to process the information. In this particular instance can lead to misunderstandings. Practically, it is not always possible to have undivided attention. And the world of technology doesn’t make it t easier. The key is maturity and trust in relationships.
“The word 'listen' contains the same letters as the word 'silent'.”
― Alfred Brendel
When we are silent, we learn more and more about the other person, and more importantly about ourselves.
Listen Silently :)
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